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Monthly Archives: January 2009

It’s 2009. I’m going to graduate from high school THIS YEAR. So strange. I was writing thank you notes earlier, and then I wanted a break, so I went online, checked my email. And I got something back from Mr. Joo about my rec letters, and I thought, this isn’t actually Thanksgiving time, but I feel so damn… grateful. And I need to make my new year’s resolutions. So here we go:

1. ONE DAY AT A TIME. I am not going to act like the world has ended just because I don’t do something exactly right. If I eat too much one day, if I skip exercise one day, if I don’t do my homework one day, I am not going to think it’s because I can never do it. I’m not going to wallow, I’m not going to believe that I must be totally incapable of doing whatever it is, I’m going to forgive myself for being human and try again the next day.

2. I’m going to make lists. Lots of them. I’m going to get a pocketbook and everything, EVERYTHING will be written down in it. Then I will check things off the list. I am going to take over minute details of my life. All lunches will be egg salad, made the night before. I am going to organize. Organize my life. Because as soon as I do that, I will be freaking invincible. And my room WILL BE CLEAN.

3. I’m not going to stress out my mother. And I’m not going to lie to her to avoid stressing her out. I’m just not going to do things that will cause her stress. We will be happy.

4. I’m going to keep track of my money, and I’m really going to save for Europe. And I’m going to start keeping track of all the things I use all the time and how much they cost. So I will know for college.

5. I am going to do my damnedest. At everything. And I will not be disappointed if my damnedest on one day isn’t as good as it is on others. I am going to do my damnedest at everything every day, but I will recognize that my damnedest will not be that great by the time the day ends.

And now, I’m going to tell everyone how much I appreciate them. In no particular order:

Kyleen: I am so glad you are my cousin. I am so happy that you came over to give me my present because I’ve missed you so much. You always do everything so much prettier than I do. I know that you don’t think you’re smart, and I suppose bookwise, you aren’t so much. But you have twenty times more sense than most people, including me. I love you because you’re straightfoward and not afraid to be opinionated, and a lot like your mom except nicer. I know you have doubts about yourself sometimes, but I’m always glad you’re around because even though we’re so different, I still enjoy being around you. Always.

Zach T: What on earth would I do without my not-actually-gay gay best friend? I love you, because you are the best. I can’t keep secrets from you, and sometimes I think I want to because I’m embarrassed, but at the end of the day, I tell you everything because you do not judge. You don’t care what larks I get up to, you find it funny or serious or whatever, but you still like me at the end of the day. I don’t know I’ve done to deserve this treatment, but whatever it is, I’m glad I did it.

Charlie: We have the oddest friendship. I’m not entirely sure how it came about or how it works, but it does and I would hate to give it up. It’s like Romeo and Mercutio: wtf? Why are they friends? What do they have in common? I’m not sure which one of us is which. Probably we switch a lot. But I’m glad we’re like that.

Claire: I’m so glad that someone thinks I’m ridiculous so much of the time. It’s like, you listen to some half-baked idea about something, and then you go, “wow Sally” (you’re such a crackhead). I’m glad that I have friends who have strange obsessions with middle-aged actors. I am glad you understand about Paul Newman. I am also glad that we’re going to EUROPE together! Trés CHIC!

Hannah: I love my Hannah-bear! I’m sorry you and the San Mateo gang couldn’t come to the sleepover. I hella miss you. You always sympathize with my crazy plights. And I sympathize with yours, except I do not understand Jeff’s appeal.

Chippy: You are just so good at brightening my day. So cheerful. You’re even cute when you’re emo, because it’s just kind of ludicrous. I want to see you at some point.

Katie K: You’re awesome. Even though you’re not as quiet around us as you are around people you don’t know, you still manage to have this quiet grace and you just seem more sensible than everyone else. Maybe you just don’t say as much stupid stuff aloud, who knows. Anyway, you are freaking fabulous. And somehow, lime green legwarmers do work on you. I don’t think anyone else can pull them off.

Melissa: I know we have lots and lots of differences, and we don’t always get along very smoothly, but I really appreciate the fact that you try to get along with me at all. I hope you have a fabulous time doing whatever you choose to do in college, which I’m sure you’ll be good at. I look forward to seeing you telling kids to get off your lawn.

Tyler F: Thanks for helping me to cut the crap. I hope you continue doing so. Probably in calculus BC. Which I’m looking forward to. Just don’t make me feel TOO stupid.

Katie L: I know you’ve had kind of a strange year. I’m glad I was there for it though. I’m glad you confide all your crazy doings with me, because they challenge me to come up with interpretation, and plus they’re interesting. In fact, I think the best thing about you is your ability to talk at length about absolutely nothing without boring anyone. It’s a pretty awesome talent.

Amelia: How can I say it? You’re just always there for me. And you always try so hard. Even if you have too much damn time on your hands. But you are still so damn lovely.

Brian: Something about your cute, mischievous smile makes it very very difficult to not be happy when you’re around. Even when I’m talking to you on AIM, it’s pretty hard for me to feel bad about myself.

Amy: I know we barely know each other, which is a strange strange thing. I know you’ve had so many problems in your life, but I also know that it’s getting better all the time. I know you’ve spent a long time running from your family, but maybe one day you’ll want to run back here. It’s okay if that day is a long time from now. But I hope it happens.

Lily: You were always there for me as a kid. Even though we haven’t talked in so long, your influence on my life and the way I think of the world is so ingrained in me that I hardly ever think of it. But when I start counting my blessings, thinking of things I have to be grateful for, I’m glad that you were my best friend for 5 years. It didn’t matter what kind of stupid stuff we were up to, it was better because it was us.

Vanessa: I think you changed my view of the world permanently. Maybe it’s debatable about whether that has been good for me. No matter what you do with yourself, I’ll always have your back, and I will always admire you for your optimism and your unstoppable pursuit of happiness.

Derek: Thanks for being hilarious. And having really awesome friends. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

JOO: I can’t even say it. It’s just… I wish I could steal some of your beliefs about me and keep them in my head. Because then I really would be invincible. I really, really hope you don’t have too many students like me, because I think I am so much more stress than you need. And you should get a girlfriend. But if you don’t want one I suppose you should just go with the flow or whatever. I really hope you never get sick of teaching, because you are pretty much the one person I know who really is doing exactly what they want to do. You give me some hope.

Thanks everybody.