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Monthly Archives: August 2008

You know, I didn’t know if I’d ever really be happy again. But I am. I’m perfectly satisfied with life, as it is right now, this instant. I have summer assignments to do, but I don’t mind. I already started on the AP Physics, and I’m actually almost done with it. I still haven’t started on my AP Gov, but I don’t mind that either. I’m just going to go to the library and sit down with a zillion Chronicles and just do it. Things just seem doable. I managed to get through my entire AP Art History class, and I did EVERY SINGLE assignment. I feel so accomplished. I wanted to call all the teachers who have ever been disappointed with my efforts and tell them, “I actually did all my homework! It was hard, and there was a lot, but I did it all! ALL OF IT!” I’m sure that some of them would be very proud. The others would probably just want to know why I didn’t for their classes. In any case, this accomplishment makes me think I can do it for any class.

I was also astonished when I got to band camp, because they made me first chair of symphonic band. I mean, that’s not making wind ensemble, but I was second chair second last year. I so totally didn’t expect it that I didn’t bring a tuner, and when I realized on the way there that I’d forgotten concert shoes, I decided not to say anything to my mom because I thought to myself, “Well, I won’t be first chair so it won’t matter.” Turns out I was first chair, and unlike other years I’d gotten a high place on my audition, the music was actually pretty much exactly my level. It wasn’t hard at all.

Band camp was nice. I like being liked. I suppose you could say that most people like being liked, but I think it’s more important for me because for so long people didn’t actually like me, they just pretended they did because they were afraid of me or they needed me for something. And one thing I love about band camp is that they don’t know I’m smart there. Sometimes I forget that I have a personality outside being really smart. Seriously, that’s pretty much all I get in yearbook signings. And I was kind of worried a couple months ago, when I was talking to Mr. Joo, about when I go to college: what if I’m not the smartest? Will people still like me? And I figured out I have other marketable qualities, other things that people like about me. I feel like a likable person. And I like that. What a stupid sounding sentence. I always sound so much smarter when I’m mad about something. But I’m not mad. I’m happy. I’m at peace. Yay me!

Or not.