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Monthly Archives: May 2008

There’s something about being seventeen. Don’t ask me quite what it is; but at least for me, it’s something. It’s like things weigh more than they used to, like something’s rushing towards you really fast, and you think you’re strong enough to catch it, but you don’t really know until you catch it, so you shiver with anticiā€¦pation (haha). But seriously, I was so stressed out about the SATs, because I was like, I’m good at tests, but what if I’m not as good as I think I am? And then I took it, and found out that what looked like a 100mph bowling ball was really a tennis ball, aka hella easy to catch. I just thought afterwards, gee, why the hell was I so worried? Crazy child me.

But I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. I don’t fear the unknown like a lot of people do, I fear my ability to deal with it. I think that’s why I’m not afraid of much- I have met my worst enemy, and she is me. I can do a lot more damage to myself than anyone else could dream of doing to me. I mean, someone could shoot me, but then I’ll just be dead. Being dead is classified under “not my problem” in my book. I mean, you could fire me from a job, you can reject me, do whatever you think will damage me, and still, it’s my job to react, and I have never had a big problem reacting to other people. I have a problem starting something. If you start it and you want me to finish it, I can do that. If you need an idea for something with unique specifications, I can give you one. But if you want me to just come up with something brilliant and carry it out, now we have a problem, because there are too many damn possibilities. Too many possibilities slow me down a lot.

I don’t know what any of this had to do with anything, but there it is. The weirdness of being seventeen.